I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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