I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
