only you would photoshop your dick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
