woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
