...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
