So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
