When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
