i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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