I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
