I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
