Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
