I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
