I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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