Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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