I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
