New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize