I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
