Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
