im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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