i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
