Plan B is the new Plan A
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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