I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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