I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize