Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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