Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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