I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
