OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
