Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
