I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
