Are we in a gay sports bar?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
