i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They took my balls.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
