I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
