So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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