Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize