please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize