mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize