she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
