Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
