i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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