He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
