there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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