Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
