Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
