There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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