before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
