Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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