Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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