My first STD was from a foam party
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
