I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
