I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
