I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
