Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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