You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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