perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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