Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I checked into jail on foursquare
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
