Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
