on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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