I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
